Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
