cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
