It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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