if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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