I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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