I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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