She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
