i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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