god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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