i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
