I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
