Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
50% drunk capacity currently
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
