my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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