apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
