i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
