Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
