The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
