I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
