the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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