I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
