I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
