My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
