When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
