I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
