I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
