Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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