How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
