What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Banned from zoo.
Again?
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I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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