Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
