Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
