I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
