I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
