so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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