So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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