Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize