I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
