Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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