it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
