i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
is that a dick in a sweater?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
