Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize