I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
