Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
