Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
