this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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