I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
