we have pet lesbian snakes
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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