I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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