the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
