i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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