True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
then he tried to convert me to islam
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
