turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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