Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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