Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
