im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
