oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
