his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
