I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
