Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize