How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no you cant smoke seaweed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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