It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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