I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
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so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
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I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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