idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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