I cockslap morals
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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