girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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