what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
