You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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