Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
