her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
