Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
