Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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