After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
