I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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